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What spot-fixing has taught us (over and over again)
The most overused words in the coverage of the trial
Alan Tyers
November 7, 2011
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| Agent: Man in dark glasses from the Matrix films |
A handy glossary of terms that have entered the cricketing vocabulary since the Pakistan incident
Iceberg: Thing that we have probably only seen tip of, according to every news article about the trial. Also, thing that cricket is heading towards. Also type of lettuce, but this is probably not relevant at this time.
Tentacles: Thing that bookmakers have, as in "their tentacles reach everywhere". It is understood that football World Cup-predicting octopus Paul pioneered the use of tentacles in a bid to fix group games in South Africa 2010.
Bracket: Period during which runs can be scored, or not scored, depending on what the bookmaker has ordered. Seems quite easy concept to grasp. Former chief inspector of Anti-Corruption and Security Unit told court he hadn't heard of the term. It's just amazing that they hadn't caught more people, isn't it?
Toothless tiger: Can be applied to ICC regulation bodies; also will now describe Pakistan bowling attack.
Poacher turned gamekeeper: Mythical figure who is making millions a year as a dodgy bookie but who might suddenly want to take a pay cut of about 10,000% to go and sit in committee rooms with old men from the ICC.
Fake Sheikh: Tabloid hack who managed to accomplish more with a dodgy business card, a hidden camera and a couple of meetings than the entire cricketing establishment in a decade.
Shadowy: Correct prefix for a fixer.
Ice-cream parlour: Place that a man would, obviously, with no dodgy implications whatsoever, give you a wodge of cash to go and visit.
Condon: Former British policeman whose previous hits included being in charge of the Metropolitan Police at the time of the Macpherson Report. Now former head of ICC anti-corruption unit. Reckons his successors should be doing more. Amusing name; especially now that he is Baron Condon.
Got off lightly: Expression that seems to be very easy to bandy about from the safety of columnist's chair; probably doesn't feel that way from a ten-foot cell.
Agent: Man who makes up stories and gets you into trouble with the law.
Player: Person whom you represent who got you into the whole business in the first place.
Brad Pitt: Imaginary friend of agent.
Roger Federer: Bloke who you met round Brad Pitt's house. Keen on setting up an academy for Arsenal Football Club with you.
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M USMAN ARSHAD
